Ruthie Grows

Ruth Mathewes was born December 7, 2007 at 11 AM. 5 lbs, 12 oz., 19" long. Dark hair and dark blue eyes--sure to change!

Everything started around 1 AM. Stephen and I hadn't been in bed that long, and suddenly I realized that my contractions were starting to feel a little less like tightening and a little more like menstrual cramps. They were coming quickly, and so after a few came and went, I woke up Stephen and asked him to start timing them.

5 minutes apart, at least a minute long, they continued steadily while we lay there. We got up, puttered around for a bit. We snacked on cheese and crackers and talked between contractions. It was exciting, but we didn't want to jump in the car right away if it was a false alarm. So Steve put on some Monty Python, and I sat squatted in front of the television surrounded by pillows.

After awhile, we thought it would be good if we got in the shower--the hot water would help me relax and maybe even speed things along. So Steve ran the water and in we went--it was delightful, and definitely helped. We dried off and kept watching TV until we decided, "This is probably it."

A call to the doctor confirmed that it yes, indeed it was time to go, and so we packed up the car, called our friend Amy (who was coming to assist as a doula), and headed over.

Ruthie is asleep in a baby sling, wrapped tightly next to my chest. It's how she sleeps best.

After a few weeks of what felt like blissful happy social engagement, Ruu seems to have reverted to her prior stage of avoiding eye contact (while eagerly looking at every interesting thing in sight), smiling less, sleeping more erratically, and being generally more cranky.

The past few days have been a bit of a strain. Ruthie only wakes up once (around 2 AM) for her nightly feeding, and so logically (or so I tell myself), I should be on the gravy train. Yet in the back of my mind mumbles the suspicion that she's drinking more at each feeding, and therefore taking a lot more of my energy. The reason? I'm inexplicably hungry ALL THE TIME (I've already had three full meals today, as of 4 PM), and RIDICULOUSLY TIRED (though I'm getting fairly decent stretches of sleep at night).

It's gotten to the point where I'm not sure what constitutes Ruth News anymore, since everything she does FASCINATES me. All I know for absolute certainty is this: I love my daughter, deeply and completely.

There's really nothing like this romance and intimacy. Like marriage, it's a unique bond formed by hormones, time, will, and emotions. There is so much touch, so many hours, and so much effort put into the relationship that I can't help myself: I'll jump in front of a train for her.

It's been quite awhile since I've written about Ruth, so here I go!

Tomorrow, I start teaching photography at Park Camps. It's a day camp, and the session I teach will last for three weeks. While I'm teaching, I have to leave Ruth behind.

Ruth turns one today.

A year ago, I became a first-time mom. A squealing little five pound bundle was handed to me, and I got lost in a whole new world.

Today, Ruth turns one. She's walking, jabbering, interacting, giggling--her own little miracle of a person.

Today I am lucky to be her mom. I am lucky to have her in my life. Who knows what other worlds-within-persons I may get to meet as time goes on.

The road ahead is hard but beautiful and full of love.

Ruth, happy birthday!