Ruthie Grows

I Bought A Toddler Harness and I Have No Regrets

2009-03-16T17:09:41Z

I just bought a harness for my toddler. My reasons? Plenty. Ruth has absolutely no fear, the propensity to run, a love of exploration, an unfettered determination. She simply does not care how far away she gets from me, will not listen to my verbal or physical commands, and will put herself into physical danger without a thought. One day I caught her standing on her father's desk, four feet above the floor. In the mall, she tried to go up the down escalator while I was running after her. She'll think nothing of trying to jump off a series of concrete steps, either. I can chase and command her a dozen times over (believe me, I've counted), and it won't make a lick of difference. At 15 months, both "time-outs" and even a light slap on the hand (if the infraction involves fire or electricity) aren't guaranteed to curb her enthusiasm for discovery. I never made the decision that I wouldn't ever use a harness or leash under any circumstance. I vaguely remember being harnessed as a child, and distinctly remember that my brother Kevin was harnessed whenever we went to the grocery store with my mother, and on other public outing occasions. (Kevin was notorious for disappearing and hiding in department stores, too. You never really knew what he was going to think up next. In one famous family episode, he took off on his tricycle a few blocks down our street to "look for me," while I was visiting a friend's house. That was the only time I ever heard my mother swear.) As a result of this, using a harness on a child was a normal possibility for my future. I don't feel that using a harness means you're treating the child like an animal. Most of all, using one does not mean that you're too lazy to parent your child. Therefore when I went searching for a toddler harness (or leash), I found myself indignant and surprised at the negative reactions that some parents have to them. I got angry, even, and occasionally scoffed out loud. I realize that with regard to many parenting issues, you're going to find people at extremes; debate can be productive and thought-provoking. Sharing stories, pros, and cons can help people come to their own decisions on an issue. I just didn't think this was an issue where you would find that much debate. For me, it's an "Well, if you need it," issue, to be dismissed with a shrug. So if any of these vehement anti-leash anti-harness parents confront me in public about it, that's what I'll do. I don't plan on using it all the time. She's only one kid, and there are plenty of times when the stroller is tolerable, or when I can chase after her. She's gotten wise to being careful stairs, after much instruction and one incident of falling. Certainly there will come a day when everything I'm trying to do will click. The days will also come when I am too large and pregnant, or too encumbered by a newborn and all his gear, that I just won't be able to chase her down if she tries to run into traffic, or some other horrifying scenario. And that's why it's okay to harness your toddler.

Piano Pals

2009-03-09T22:48:13Z

Ruth and Julia like to play together. Ruth is just 5 months older than Julia, which makes the age difference about the same as me and my favorite cousin, Heidi (sorry, every other cousin I have). You can't beat two babies playing together, especially if it involves a piano.

Ruth in particular likes to rock out, which excites Julia.

They're a bunch of monkeys!

It's Official: All Grown Up

2009-03-04T14:53:03Z

It's official: my daughter is now officially All Grown Up. Over a week ago, she stopped nursing, cold turkey.

I breastfed her nearly exclusively for the first 6 months of her life, and never expected it all to last as long as 14 months. I'm not sure what I expected, honestly. My big plan was that if she could ask for it with words, we'd stop.

That never happened. Towards the end, she was nursing just once a day, in the mornings. And what people have told me is true: in spite of the headaches that came with it, I kind of miss it now.

She really is a totally different kid now!

Ruth in a Snowstorm

2009-03-03T15:29:35Z

So as much of the East Coast knows, we were hit by a snowstorm that made Marylanders cringe. It was blisteringly cold and still snowing in the morning, but I took Ruth out anyway so she could experience the weather. We lasted all of 10 minutes, but oh, they were 10 glorious minutes!

Sickie Sickie

2009-02-18T23:10:45Z

Ruth freaked me out yesterday--a high fever, lethargy, rapid breathing... needless to say I made an emergency visit to the pediatrician, who told me to give her ibuprofen and keep an eye on her, calling should complications arise. She perked up in the evening, which put me at ease. Then, she woke in the middle of the night burning up and crying hysterically, which brought me back down into Worry Town. Today, she's been consistently clingy, moody, whiny, tired, fussy, all that wonderful stuff. She eats, but in a limited amount, and drinks well. I think she'll be on the mend tomorrow, but I'm not sure my sanity can stand another day of velcro baby. I've gotten as near to zero things accomplished as ever, and I have clients waiting for me. Of course, I can't really hire a babysitter for a sick child; why would I want the babysitter to spread germs to all the other kids? I'm hanging in there; it's nice that Steve comes home and immediately knows I've had a long day. I just wish that Ruth were okay with giving me a break. The sicker she is, the more mommy-centric she gets, which eats at Steve's morale and exhausts me, of course. But those back rubs sure do help.

Starting to Creep Me Out

2009-02-06T13:44:32Z

That must be a weird subject line for y'all to see, but here's why... This morning, while playing with crayons and paper in the living room, Ruth got a paper cut on her toe. It bled pretty badly (though she didn't care), so I ran to get some antibacterial ointment, a cotton swab, a band-aid and a pair of socks (so the band-aid would stay on her toe). As I wrestled with her to get the band-aid on and all, she picked up the cotton swab, and proceeded to try to stick it in her ear. She must have figured out that we use those safety cotton swabs for her ears in the bath, and so that's what they're for! Of course, she has no idea that sticking them in her ear is a bad idea, so no cotton swabs for her anywhere anytime ever! Is a 14-month old supposed to know all this, or am I legitimately astounded? Also, we've taken the knobs off the stove, since she can reach and turn them now. I'm in the habit of getting one out of the drawer, turning on the burner, then taking it off again and setting it on the counter so Ruth can't fiddle with the stovetop. Yesterday I knocked one over on the floor, and Ruth proceeded to pick it up and try to put it back on the stove so she could turn it. Luckily she's not coordinated enough to actually get the knob back on. This girl is dangerous!

Rises and Falls

2009-01-25T20:15:18Z

Nursing is on the rise. Towards the end of December, we were down to once a day. Today, it's back up to three or four. I'm not too nervous about it; I will get nervous, however, if she doesn't decide to stop on her own soon. I'm all for breastfeeding, don't get me wrong, but tandem nursing is not something I'll be up for right after moving to a new place. With the rise of nursing is the rise of mommy-exclusivity. Holding, playing, eating, bathing, bedtime; it's all for mommy to do. This makes it painful, sometimes, when Steve takes his turn with her. She whimpers for me, but goes along with it. Sometimes, though, she cries. I know that this, like other clingy phases, will pass soon, and she'll be on to something new. I may miss it sometime; she'll wave a cheery goodbye without looking back, and I'll long for the day when she tentatively clung to my legs.

Ruth, Tidal Wave

2009-01-17T14:10:13Z

When it comes to how tidy the house is, I'm definitely a lot more laid back now than I was about six months ago. That's not saying much, though. Living in a one-bedroom apartment means that if anything is out of place, it is an intrusion. Anything unnecessary, unused, or uncared for sticks out like a sore thumb. When things aren't put away, I feel as though a parallel messy universe exists in my brain; things must be tidy in order for me to think straight! However, I'm slowly but surely creating a mental filter for toys. Ruth's toys, I tell myself, are not my mess, because they are generated by her business. Ruth's business is that of play and discovery, and my businesses is that of photography, and running the home. They both generate different sorts of messes: mine on my hard drive and in the kitchen, hers, well, nearly everywhere else. So each morning, Ruth's business creates a minefield all around the apartment (except the kitchen and bathroom, which I quarantine with baby gates and feel should be treated as Different Adult Spaces in which Necessary Vital Things must occur and so Children's Messes Should Not Be In There. The bedroom? Trashed. The living room? Destroyed. Every night, after Ruth goes to bed, I gather up all the toys, and put them all into a large laundry basket I have in the living room. I barely bother to sort them nowadays, reserving that as a once-in-awhile kind of activity. It usually happens when I realize that Ruth can't put her puzzles together because all the pieces have sunk back to the bottom of the basket where she can't reach. Cute Ikea toy organizers where things are labeled? Please, I'm saving that for grade school when she can actually read or recognize a picture label. It is nice to think that in less than a decade, I will be able to communicate to my child that it is important to clean up after one's self. We'll see how that goes.

Sleep: On-Again, Off-Again

2009-01-13T15:48:06Z

What a difference a good night's sleep makes. The biggest drama of our lives in the past year has always been sleep. Getting Ruth to sleep through the night, at its various stages, has had its triumphs and setbacks. Now that she's 13 months old, it's reaching a tenuous place; right between genuine psychological need, and the beginning stages of--dare I say it--brattyness. Nights in which I wake up once (due to pregnancy thirst), or twice (just listening to a whimper or two) are still common. Sometimes, however, we are plagued with nights of crying, crying, and crying. We're still out on the futon in the living room most nights; it seems as though Ruth has a sixth sense for when we're in the bedroom (which is when she can persist in getting us up). It feels cruel to leave her there. Her frantic voice still breaks my heart. But what I think I've learned is my waffling & heartsickness have probably made things more confusing and complicated for her. It's hard to push my conflicted feelings away and be consistent. Regardless, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. As Meg counseled me last night, she won't be 13 and still waking up at night. The coming year will be a challenge; I imagine that in the first three months after #2 comes along, I'll feel even more a zombie than I did after Ruth arrived. But at least I'm experienced at it. All I've got to do is put a few folks on speed dial for those days when I'm barely human and losing it. Maybe I'll publish a book after all my children are grown. I'll call it Adventures in Sleep: One Bleary-Eyed Mom's Epic Story.

State of the Ruthie Address

2009-01-10T21:14:48Z

More teeth are in the works. New techniques are developing for fighting naps and sleep. Words are beginning to form. Feedings are getting easy, if messy, since Ruth often insists on feeding herself. The appetite is growing, and she is always in need of an audience. ]]> I saw Ruth thrive when the entire family was around her all the time. Having people at her disposal seems to make her even more curious and eager. It makes her more talkative and excited. It wears her out, and she sleeps better. It's been a good lesson for me, teaching me that yes, it's okay that I can't give her every little thing she needs, because sooner or later she'll need to know to look for excitement other places besides mommy. She needs to know that all people, and the whole world, are very, VERY interesting. Now that things are more quiet after the holidays, I do have more time to get work done. I use that phrase loosely, though, as it turns out to be more like "try to concentrate as hard as possible for 5 minutes and then get interrupted". Many things don't go according to plan. So much so, that I've stopped planning too much. I still get frustrated when I get less accomplished than I hoped. But enough about me. Ruth is delightful. She's taken to hanging on me more often than not, and I suspect that's because she can see more of the world from my eye-level than two feet from the floor. It's also more exciting to see what I'm doing (obviously, since I'm so cool). What's ahead? The terrible twos to be sure.

The Party

2008-12-25T00:38:21Z

Ruth was such a crazy girl at her party. Here are some photos to prove it.

She said hello to all her friends!

She had her first taste of sweets!

And her favorite present was a big rainbow silk scarf that we waved in her face.

One Year Ago

2008-12-07T16:41:49Z

Ruth turns one today. A year ago, I became a first-time mom. A squealing little five pound bundle was handed to me, and I got lost in a whole new world. Today, Ruth turns one. She's walking, jabbering, interacting, giggling--her own little miracle of a person. Today I am lucky to be her mom. I am lucky to have her in my life. Who knows what other worlds-within-persons I may get to meet as time goes on. The road ahead is hard but beautiful and full of love. Ruth, happy birthday!

walks, talks, and grabs

2008-11-11T15:08:25Z

This video starts out kind of slow, but the end is really funny.

three photos of the cutie

2008-11-10T15:42:21Z

Some of my favorite photos of Ruthie of late:

Loves sticks.

Eats with THREE spoons.

And she's the cutest baby ever.

bathtime fun

2008-11-09T21:33:13Z

What's great about this photo is that it's the complete antithesis of Ruthie's attitude in the bath, coupled with a Rembrandt-like style of lighting.

We are oh so seriously clean.